But just before he reentered the lander, he made the
enigmatic remark-. "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark
concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon
checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian
or American space programs.

Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to
what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but
Armstrong always just smiled.

On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while
answering questions following a speech, a reporter
brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong.

This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died
and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the
question.

In 1938 when he was a kid in a small Midwest town, he
was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard.
His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in his
neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were 
Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong
heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Sex! You
want sex? You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

Supposedly True story.

From GP, Concord California

There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in the USA. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for this is purely geographical. All the oil is in Alaska, Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, California, Wyoming, etc. All the dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.

From ???, CA

• I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 
• How about never? Is never good for you? 
• I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 
• I'm really easy to get along with, once you people learn to worship me. 
• I'll try being nicer, if you'll try being smarter. 
• I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... 
• I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 
• It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying. 
• I can see your point, but I still think you're full of s**t. 
• I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 
• You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 
• I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn. 
• I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. 
• I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 
• The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 
• Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks? 
• I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 
• It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. 
• Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 
• No, my powers can only be used for good. 
• You sound reasonable. Time to up the medication. 
• Who me? I just wander from room to room 
• And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be? 
• Do I look like a people person? 
• This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 
• I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 
• You! Off my planet! 
• Does your train of thought have a caboose? 
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 
• A PBS mind in an MTV world. 
• Allow me to introduce my selves. 
• Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 
• Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 
• Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. 
• I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 
• A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. 
• Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 
• Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1? 
• Too many freaks, not enough circuses. 
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 
• Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done. 
• How do I set a laser printer to stun? 
• I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted the paychecks. 
• If I throw a stick, will you leave? 
• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 

Brought to You by JB of California

Performance Evaluations

These quotes were taken from actual employee
performance evaluations in a large U.S. Corporation.

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom...and has
started to dig deeper."
"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a
trap."
"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a
definite 'won't-be'."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve
them."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"This employee should go far... and the sooner he starts, the better."
"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

"He certainly takes a long time to make his point pointless."
"He's been working with glue too much."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

"He would argue with a signpost."
"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

 

"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
"If you see two people talking and one of them looks bored, he's the other
one."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge... he only gargled."

"It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."
"One neuron short of a synapse."
"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minute

"When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

From BSK, Marin California

America has engaged in some finger wagging lately because California doesn't
have enough electricity to meet it's needs. The rest of the country
(including George W. Bush's energy secretary Spencer Abraham, who wants
Californians to suffer through blackouts as justification for drilling for
oil in Alaska's Arctic Wildlife Refuge) seems to be just fine with letting
Californians dangle in the breeze without enough power to meet their needs.
They laugh at Californians' frivolity.

Well, everybody. Here's how it really is:

California ranks 48th in the nation in power consumed per person.
California grows more than half the nation's fruit, nuts and vegetables.
We're keeping them. We need something to eat when the power goes out.

We grow 99 percent or more of the nation's almonds, artichokes, dates, figs,
kiwifruit, olives, persimmons, pistachios, prunes, raisins and walnuts.
Hope you won't miss them.

California is the nation's number one dairy state. We're keeping our dairy
products.
We'll need plenty of fresh ones since our refrigerators can't be relied upon.
Got milk?

We Californians are gonna keep all our high-tech software in state. Silicon
Valley is ours, after all. Without enough electricity, which you're
apparently keeping for yourselves, we just plain don't have enough software
to spare.

We're keeping all our airplanes. California builds a good percentage of the
commercial airliners to fly you people to where you want to go. When yours
wear out, you'd better hope Boeing's Washington plant can keep you supplied.
There isn't enough electricity here to allow us to export any more planes
than we need ourselves.

And, while we're at it, we're keeping all our high-tech aerospace stuff too,
like the sophisticated weapons systems that let you sleep at night, not
worried you might wake up under the rule of some foreign kook. Oh yeah, and
if you want to make a long-distance call, remember where the satellite
components and tracking systems come from. Maybe you could get back in the
habit of writing letters.

Want to see a blockbuster movie this weekend? Come to California. We make
them here. Since we'll now have to make them with our own electricity, we're
keeping them. Even if we shot them somewhere else, the labs, printing
facilities, editing facilities, and sound facilities are all here.

Want some nice domestic wine? We produce over 17 million gallons per year.
We'll need all of it to drown our sorrows when we think about the fact that
no matter how many California products we export to make the rest of
America's lives better, America can't see it's way clear to help us out with
a little electricity.
You can no longer have any of our wine.

You all complain that we don't build enough power plants. Well, you don't
grow enough food, write enough software, make enough movies, build enough
airplanes and defense systems or make enough wine.

This is your last warning, America. Lighten (us) up before it's too late.

Love,
The Californians

"I love California- I practically grew up in Phoenix."
-Dan Quayle

Brought to You by BK of California

Brought to You by LB

Tribal Wisdom Vs. Business Practices
Whoever wrote this is very familiar with corporate life.

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one
generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a
dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors
to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be
tried with dead horses, including the following:

1.  Buying a stronger whip.

2.  Changing riders.

3.  Threatening the horse with termination.

4.  Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5.  Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6.  Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.

7.  Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.

8.  Change the form so that it reads: "This horse is not dead."

9.  Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.

10.  Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.

11.  Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby
deducting its full original cost.

12.  Providing additional funding to increase the horse's
performance.

13.  Do a time management study to see if the lighter riders would
improve productivity.

14.  Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore
performs better.

15.  Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.



Brought to You by LB of California
--------